My brain says no but my pants say off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
