hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
