12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize