You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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