I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
