Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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