So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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