So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
