Kiss
Puke
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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