I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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