I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
