Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
