Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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