You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
