dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
