That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
