Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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