I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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