I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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