Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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