matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
