it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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