OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
