I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and she was petting her beer can
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's blow job season.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
