Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
