Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
