so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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