Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
