we made out on top of his cat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize