3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
