I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
