When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
