her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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