3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
