found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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