So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
