ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
