Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
