i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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