Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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