i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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