i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dick has a subreddit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
