i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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