Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
