I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's never too late to be topless.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
