we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
