We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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