she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize