he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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