By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
