She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
