The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
