Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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