Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
