how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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