Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize