Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
