You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
