i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
