Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize