I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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