Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
