I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
