She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
