i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
