Sober January is a disaster.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Semen is not good for contacts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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