i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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