Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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